Dating can be a really exciting time. You’re out meeting and getting to know new people, with each hello sparking hopes for the future. But make sure that while you’re in the dating phase, you’re looking for friendship before courtship. Looks and credentials may check off the boxes on your list, but compatibility is so much deeper than that.
There’s probably a lot of reasons you’re looking for a relationship. You want to get married and maybe start a family, but adding a partner to the mix has to be strategic. This is a potential life partner here. While you’re working to become all that God has called you to be, you’ll need someone who can come along side you to assist and support your journey. And vice versa.
If the goal is marriage, you need to look for true friendship before courtship. To do this, lets go over the attributes of a true friend so that you’ll know what to watch for.
Here are the traits of genuine friendship.
A true friend puts the other first.
Selfishness and friendship do not mix. Real friends want the best for you and look out for your interests. If you’re dating someone with these qualities, there’s a better chance that you’ll see it later on in marriage. You should never assume that marriage will deepen someone’s affections or make them more considerate of you.
Philippians 2:4 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
When dating, you have to pay attention to not only the way they treat you, but also how they treat other people. It’s possible that they’re treating you a certain way because they’re interested in you, but how they treat others will show their true nature.
A real friend is loyal.
Loyalty in relationships, especially in considering marriage, is essential for building trust. If you don’t know where someone stands or they seem fickle, you’re going to have a hard time feeling a sense of security. Friendship is based on transparent, honest, connection — which is nearly impossible without trust and loyalty.
Proverbs 17:17a says, “A friend is always loyal.”
We all want to be in a relationship with someone who gives reliable support. Someone who will be there through the good and the bad.
A true friend helps to carry your burdens.
This goes hand in hand with loyalty. We all go through hard times, or struggle in some area. So, It’s crucial to be with someone who is willing to walk through the storm with you. Marriage’s last when two people are able to be strong for each other and get through tough times as a unit.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Now, this doesn’t mean that they’re there to solve all your problems. It means that they’re encouraging and comforting to you in times of need.
A true friend builds you up.
Everyone wants to be around people that make them feel understood, loved, and encouraged. These are the people we gravitate toward and become friends with. When you prioritize friendship before courtship, you’ll end up with a winning combination of love and companionship with someone who’s all in.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”
A true friend should be one of your biggest cheerleaders. The one person you know who’s for you and is always pushing you to be better. Having someone who speaks life into you is a key characteristic to to look for when considering courtship.
A true friend helps make you better.
Most of time, our friends are able to see things in us that we don’t even see in ourselves. They know your potential and what you’re capable of and they want to grow with you. One of the worst things to deal with in a relationship is a partner who is in competition with you. They can’t celebrate you because your wins become their loses. You need friends in your life who want to see you prosper in every way and who will do whatever they can to help you get there.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.”
We all love friends that share in our hopes and dreams, and get just as excited for us as we are for ourselves. Well, we also need to look for this when we’re dating. Someone who pushes us to reach higher and go farther.
For a happy marriage, seek friendship before courtship. Be intentional about building with a mate who not only loves you, but who gets you…the REAL you. This is the making of a lasting relationship.
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