Although it seems like sex is everywhere, it’s still such a taboo subject for Christians. But, this isn’t something we can avoid — especially for those who are no longer virgins. We need to know: How can we remain celibate while dating?
Living by God’s standard is not always easy but we know that He wouldn’t ask us to do anything that He hasn’t empowered us to do.
1 Thessalonians 4:7-8 says, “For God has not called us to impurity, but to holiness [to be dedicated, and set apart by behavior that pleases Him, whether in public or in private]. So, whoever rejects and disregards this is not [merely] rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you [to dwell in you and empower you to overcome temptation].”
It’s true, we were born into a world of sin, but the Holy Spirit helps us to overcome temptation and live a life that pleases God. So, how can we cooperate with the Spirit and practice self-control in this area? Let’s be realistic — what does this purity walk actually look like?
Here are a few tips on how to remain celibate while dating.
Be upfront about your lifestyle.
We have to be upfront and tell the person we’re dating about our decision to be celibate. Believe it or not, some Christians don’t practice abstinence so it’s important to be clear on this early in the relationship.
Now, don’t be weird about this. You don’t have to bring it up at the first meeting, but you should have a talk about it at some point before you become exclusive. It’s important to see how your morals and goals align with them so that you can avoid potential conflict.
Establish clear boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries will help you avoid unnecessary temptation and awkwardness. Things can happen fast and one moment of passion can quickly escalate.
To avoid this you can try to set parameters for dating. For example, maybe you only go out alone during the day and at night, you go out on group dates. Or maybe you decide that you won’t visit each other’s houses or drink wine on your dates. Whatever works for you, do it!
Hold yourself accountable.
This is where having a community comes in. It can be tricky to know when to introduce them or how involved they should be, but having a support system can help keep you on track.
When you have accountability partners, you have space to be transparent about your sexual desires without criticism. It’s so important to have like-minded people around who understand us and still hold us accountable to God’s standards.
Watch what you consume.
Sexually explicit movies, music, and TV can plant seeds that work against our desire for purity. What may seem harmless at first can start to manifest behaviors and thoughts that compromise our lifestyle.
This may not happen all the time, but be self-aware and recognize when you may need periods of cleansing from graphic images or music. You don’t need to make this any more difficult than it already is. Know your limits and don’t push the envelope.
Remember it’s a journey, not a destination.
Unfortunately there isn’t a celibacy life hack that you can do once and be done with it. This is about daily self-control and crucifying your flesh. Human beings were created with a desire for sex, it’s just a biological fact. But, we do have the ability to identify triggers and counteract them.
This process requires intentionality, discipline, and sacrifice, but there is safety in obedience. God sees your commitment to holiness and in due season you will reap a harvest — you’ve got this!
For more like this, download our free ebook, “5 Stages of a Relationship Done God’s Way“
