When we get married we tend to assume that our new partner will always be the same. We fall in love with them for who they are at a certain point in time without considering how they might grow or evolve in the future. All of us go through transitions in life and so it’s very important to learn how to cope with change in marriage.
Marriage is about committing to one person through it all, until death. If we’re going to be able to honor that commitment, we have to accept each other in every season. We shouldn’t be completely blindsided when things change, we should expect it.
We’ve got a helpful acronym for all of our married folks to refer back to when they’re having trouble coping with changes in their marriage. Keep this in mind as you and your spouse navigate through different seasons in life.
- A- Attitude
- L- Love
- I- Improvisation
- G- Give
- N- Nurture
Attitude:
We’ve all heard the saying, your attitude determines your altitude — and it’s true!
Having an attitude of submission is our first tip to help you cope with change in your marriage. We know that the word submission can seem a bit cringeworthy, but in marriage it is so needed. Submission is a way for you to relinquish control and allow your spouse room to grow. It’s about giving them freedom and not feeling threatened by their growth.
Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with every change they make. But, it releases you from the idea that it’s your responsibility to make them see or do things a certain way. Oftentimes growth and change requires some readjustments in marriage but with the right attitude, you all can work through it.
Love:
It goes without saying that love is paramount. The bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV), “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
When you’re facing changes in your marriage, be sure that you remember to deal with your spouse in love. Being cold and distant is a passive aggressive way to show disapproval. If you need to go to counseling or talk through it with another couple you trust to get input, do it. But, always communicate and keep the love flowing.
Improvisation:
It might be time to consider that the life you’ve been idealizing won’t come to pass. I know… that’s rough. But, you have to be flexible and go with the flow of life. If you continue to be rigid and close-minded, you could potentially drive a wedge between you and your spouse. Maintain the unity in your marriage with adaptability. When you can improvise, change won’t devastate you!
Give:
It is so important to give of yourself in marriage, but especially during seasons of change. Giving your support and attention as well as your input, will let your spouse know that you’re in this together. Showing up and putting in an effort to understand and assist is key. Remember that it’s not always about you, so be there for your partner in every way. And if you don’t know what to do, ask them what they need from you.
Nurture:
Showing care and concern during periods of change within marriage is a great way to nurture your spouse. Even if you don’t agree or think it necessary, humor them. Ask questions, let them know you’re interested and find out as much as you can about the new season your mate is walking into. This is how you take all the previous steps and put them into action.
The truth of the matter is that change is inevitable. You should be more concerned about stagnation than adjusting to newness in marriage. It’s not easy — but growing never is. Your marriage will be stronger if you’re able to adapt and withstand the challenges that come your way.
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