There is a parallel that I have discovered between my relationship with God and my relationship with my wife Melissa. In order to for me to demonstrate my love for God by obeying His will, I must let go of my own. I must submit my plans and goals for my life and fully embrace His. I must melt away so that He may emerge. Like a reflection of the Word, I must decrease so that He might increase within me. (This isn’t because He’s a demanding God, but because He is a loving Father that truly knows best, and I am at my best when abiding fully in Him.)
My relationship with my wife is similar; I can no longer be selfish and self-absorbed. Rather, I must consider her wants and desires before I consider my own. I do so hoping that she’ll do the same for me, but that is not what motivates me to do it — I do it because I love her. This relationship isn’t about me like it was in my singleness; it’s about us, together, in tandem.
What’s phenomenal is that the more I show my wife that I love her by considering her first, the more she does the same for me. This is a very good thing because she takes better care of me than I do. No matter how great I am to her, she outdoes me every time. For example, one morning I cooked breakfast and washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. We have a rule in the house that if you cook, the other person washes the dishes. But, on this occasion, God prompted me to both cook and clean. Later that day, I received a text from my wife thanking me for doing so. When I returned home from work, not only was the home immaculate, but dinner was already prepared (it was my turn to cook) and my chores were already done for me.
Jesus said that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31, Galatians 5:13-14).
And, if that is the case, how much more are we to love our wives with whom we’ve become one flesh? (Matthew 19:5). As a husband, our act of submission is firstly to God — as we look to Him as our authority. From that place of submission, we learn exactly how we are to honor and love our wives (by laying down our lives for them). It’s just icing on the cake to have the same shown to us in return.
