“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22 ESV
If the Word of God tells us “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord,” why does a large population of Christian women believe it is their responsibility to go out and find a husband? Society’s belief is that if a woman is not dating or in a relationship, something is wrong with her (“she’s still single; she must be crazy, or she must be too picky…”). Unfortunately, this doesn’t stop outside the walls of the church — the same can be said about church culture, too.
Dating seems like the “popular” thing to do, so many women have become desperate to go out and find someone to date or to make their husband because they wrongly believe that they are insignificant or have less value without a man. We often see Christian women entering into unhealthy relationships, either in that they are unequally yoked or before they are prepared for a commitment (meaning that they do not understand their identity in Christ, their purpose, how to have healthy relationships or the basics of becoming a wife).
They have lost the desire to prepare for covenant relationship, and the patience to wait on God to send a man within His will and perfect timing. It is common to see Christian women dating men who do not belong to a local church, are not passionate about God, and in many cases, do not have a personal relationship with Jesus at all.
Too many women are dating discouraged, impatient, and unprepared.
Perhaps they don’t believe the right man will ever find them, and are afraid to face a lifetime of singleness. In efforts to make sure that this does not become their reality, they take drastic measures of settling for men outside of the will and plan of God. Common questions that Christian women are often plagued by are “Where is my Boaz?” and “When will I find him?” They are looking for the church, prophetic words, friends, family, media, society or whoever has the answer to this question. The answer is simple: when God intends, and only God knows. If women do not use the Word of God as a standard for their lives, their relationships will resemble those of the world.
The Word of God is perfectly clear: “He who finds a wife,” not she who finds a husband! This means, as women, we are not to go out searching for men (saved or unsaved) to date or marry. It is the man’s job to seek out and find his wife. As the intended head of the marriage, and family, it is important that he takes the lead in choosing his wife by first making sure he is spiritually, naturally, emotionally, physically, and financially prepared, and has spiritual discernment to find the woman who is capable of being his helpmate. If the woman pursues him, the foundation of the relationship could be built upon her serving as the head of the relationship, which was never intended by God — there was reason God created Adam before Eve. Adam’s role was to lead her; however, when we review Genesis 3, Eve took on the leadership role in the relationship, which she was never created to do. Instead of submitting to the voice of God and her husband, her actions were influenced by the serpent, Satan.
This caused their roles to be reversed and, instead of Adam leading his wife to follow God’s instructions, Eve lead her husband into disobedience and dishonor to God. Not only did both Adam and Eve suffer from not standing in their rightful roles, their seed suffered later. Just like there was purpose in God’s intention for Adam to lead Eve, there is purpose in why God instructed men to search out, find, and lead their wives … not the other way around.
Unmarried women: We encourage you to redirect your time and energy used to search for a husband and transfer it into seeking the Lord! Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”
Ladies, seek the Lord, invest in your growth and development, and in His timing he will position you right where you need to be in order to be found by the man who is the will of God for your life. Gentlemen, it is also imperative that you seek the Lord in order to receive his instructions concerning your life.
On your journey to finding your true identity in the Lord, he will show you where to find your future wife. Unmarried believers, your hope, trust and faith concerning your future should be in Christ Jesus … not in the media, entertainment, or this world! Let Christ be your GPS to guide you to your future!
