Getting married and having kids is a desire for so many of us, but there is one thing that nobody tells us going in. Yep, they give us their blessings and well wishes and throw rice at us as we march blindly into the unknown. Well fam, we’ve got a bit of advice for you that may come as a shock. Here’s the one thing you need to know about marriage, before you get to the altar.
It’s called the marriage mirror.
While ideas of marital bliss lure you down the isle, there is another side to this that has threatened many happy marriages. By saying “I do” you’re agreeing to be now, forever, and completely seen.
Hate to break it to you but, your marriage is going to act as a mirror. It makes sense that in becoming one, there would be some exposure involved. All of your little habits, your moods, and your flaws will be on display, and it will take some time for your spouse to adjust. This might feel intrusive and uncomfortable but it’s part of the process. And, we have 3 ways for you to get ahead of the marriage mirror.
First is self-awareness
Guess what? You’re not perfect! But, neither is your spouse and the sooner you accept that, the easier it’ll be in marriage. You’ve got to accept that you are human, you’ll make mistakes, and there might be some things about you that others won’t like. That’s neither good or bad, it’s just a fact. Don’t take yourself too seriously, learn to laugh at your slip-ups.
People with self-awareness don’t have to worry about the marriage mirror because they know who they are and they own it. It can be a real shock to have to find out things about yourself, for the first time, through someone else. This is why your single season is so important.
Secondly, be real and be YOU!
It is very tempting to try and impress someone you’re interested in by putting up a front. This is a huge mistake! There is only so long you can keep up a façade, and the truth is, it’s deceptive. If you stay true to yourself while dating and courting, you wont have to worry about being exposed in marriage. And be honest, you don’t want to have to pretend to be something you’re not just to get someone to love you.
Lastly, communicate.
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to overshare all of the details your past, but do what you can to create an atmosphere of openness. This is why we recommend friendship before courtship, because you should trust your partner with your heart. Talk to them about your insecurities and your struggles, and how things have affected you. This person should be interested to know what makes you tick, and they’ll be more understanding after the altar.
You’re on the same team.
Sometimes when we’re faced with the marriage mirror, we can become defensive and insecure toward our mate. We start to feel like they’re overcritical of us or that they’ve lost love for us, but that isn’t the case. Trust your partner enough to allow them to be honest with you about you. Trust them to help you grow and mature, and become the person God intended you to be.
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