Divorce … the dreaded word that has somehow become reality for some of us, causing our entire world to be turned upside down.
For divorcees, not only have we lost the person we thought we’d spend the rest of our days with, but we have also lost a huge part of our own identity. We don’t even know who we are without that person anymore.
Divorce is only one word, but it leaves many scars behind.
It screams all kinds of accusations … inadequate, unworthy, rejected, unloved, misunderstood. We wonder if everyone can see the big “d-word” branded on our chest, a constant reminder that we weren’t “enough” — whether for another person, or to make a marriage succeed.
We start to allow it to define our entire existence. Was it even real?
It doesn’t matter if we’d spent years or even decades with our former spouse and they initiated the separation, or if it were we who insisted on the divorce. The pain from divorce is real and cuts deep.
We’re forced to see life through a new lens — a lens we would have never even wanted to try on, but was forced to wear in this devastating circumstance.
We might even find ourselves wondering where God is and why He would allow this to be our story.
Will healing ever come? We may not be able to answer why God allowed this to be part of our story, but we can tell you that healing will come.
We’ve provided some practical steps below to help you start (or, continue) your healing journey.
How to heal from divorce:
1. Seek counseling.
Obtaining wise counsel through your friendships is helpful when you’re going through the pain of divorce, but in order to heal you have to dig deep and start with the root of the issue.
Speaking with a licensed professional will help you unfold areas of personal growth as well as help you piece together the best way to deal with the pain of your divorce.
2. Find your identity in Jesus.
We often lose our own identities when we marry when our identities were never rooted in Jesus in the first place.
Your identity shouldn’t be rooted in anyone except Jesus, and the only way for you to be rooted in Him is to know Him. To know Jesus is to know what the Bible says about the qualities of His character and what He says about you.
Jesus is the only constant in our lives. People come and go, cause us pain, and disappoint us, but Jesus is the same today, yesterday, and forever.
Pray and ask God to reveal who you are to Him and how you can find your identity in Him.
3. Share your story.
You might feel embarrassed at the thought of sharing your story and maybe even a little scared, but this painful part of your story can bring so much healing to someone else who is struggling.
You have an opportunity to let someone else know that they aren’t alone in what they’re facing and that they will get through this. The great thing about God is that, while you’re pouring into other people, he’s using it to help make you stronger.
Your pain is not in vain. He will turn your ashes into beautiful things if you let Him.
“and provide for those who grieve in Zion — to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” (Isaiah 61:3)
4. Give in to healing and don’t rush the process.
It’s okay to wrestle with anger, regret, and fear, and it’s certainly okay to be sad.
The biggest mistake we make is not allowing ourselves to go through the grieving process of divorce. Much like the death of a loved one, divorce is the loss of a loved one. Allow yourself time to go through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance).
We need to emphasize this one: Don’t rush the process.
There is no time limit on how quickly you should heal from the pain of a divorce.
When we’re healing from anything, whether it’s a broken bone or a broken heart, we tend to want to speed up the recovery time. Broken bones take time to heal properly — and how much more so with broken hearts?
If you remove the cast off of a broken arm before it’s fully healed, you risk damaging the arm again. It’s the same with your heart. Press into God! Lean on His understanding and timing, not your own.
You will come out on the other side of this and when the cast of your heart is removed, your heart will be stronger than ever.
5. Pray for your future spouse.
We believe praying for your future spouse is vital.
Praying for your future spouse is asking God to be the foundation of your future and entrusting Him with the desires of your heart. It not only increases your awareness of areas that are important to you in your future spouse, but it also points out some areas you will want to work to develop before exploring a new relationship.
Take this opportunity to work on becoming a better version of yourself while you pray over who God has for you.
There is power in healing. Healing brings strength and empowers you to push through your own pain to encourage someone else to keep going. Let your faith being stretched far beyond your reach and, be still for long enough to let God be God.
You are stronger, wiser, and braver than you know. This too shall pass, friend. Until then, keep trusting God’s plan and his timing.
